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Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

This is about mixed feelings. I can’t event think about what to write first.

In realilty, I am a very quite person. I love the morning dew on my face, the birds chorus, the hot milk coffee. I have a deep wish to do good for my country and people all over. I prefer to do this in my own secret ways. I love to read. I don’t watch Sri Lankan TV unless for a news update.

In real life I’m the mean, stern and ruthless doctor who everyone hates. Some may think of me as having a superiority complex, while others just think I’m darn rude. With every patient I see, I have to come down to their level. Have at least an understanding of their life, society and main causes of woe. And many a time, my patients are those who think they can’t deal with life anymore and resort to poisons as a way of suicide.

But why the double face you ask? Its for my own protection. From a variety of reasons and scenarioes:

  • When dealing with suicidal patients, its extremly difficult to get them to cooperate. They are on the brink of death, and you’re the only thread they have to hold on too. And with such patients you can’t have that “Where does it hurt?, Can you take this tablet?” kindness crap, ‘cos they are hallucinating, delirious or just plain unconscious. I even have to yell to get the people who bring in the patient to cooperate as to finding out what was the poison, why go for suicide etc. People expect miracles, when they bring patients to hospitals. Because they come and want to WATCH!! And when I ask them a question, its like disturbing someone when their watching a movie! What happened to lending a helping hand?
  • And then there are people who think I’m just there to hurt them. I mean seriously! Everybody is entitiled to their own opinions, sure, but some common sense, that this person is trying to make you see tommorrows sunrise just won’t sink in. This is worse for the valuable staff I have around me. They are trained like me to deal with gruelling ordeals. To be efficient, they have to be strict and stern. If they were all soft and marshmellow, the patient would be 6 feet deep the next day. Just to think what these staff [nurses, attendents etc] go through a day. Strange enough, even in the blogosphere I find people call them names.
  • Just how to deal with the truth? Just imagine a scene like this [post from GutterFlower]. If you were the doctor treating the woman brought into hospital, with a lamenting “husband”? Even if you fall for the initial story of ‘Ane mage nona kalanthe damma’ [My wife fainted], you would soon notice the deepening blue patches on her body. Then it would be evident to any fool why she fainted!

So it works well for me to be cold hearted, at least appear to be. Your feelings are only for you. But to keep a promise I made to protect all life one day I act stern, stubborn and just damn crazy, so that the few select who cross my path in life may see another sunrise, feel the dew on their face, hear the chorus of the birds….

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So today I’m going to tell you about some facts that I face on a daily basis. No it’s not about the parliament, it’s not about the other various atrocities in SL, its as the name suggests.. (literally) the poisons our people take.

I work in a poison research group and stationed a bit far off.. I NEVER expected such a workload when I started out, but now have gotten used to it.

The list topper is AGROCHEMICALS. Then comes Oleander, then various tablet poisonings, then comes GOD KNOWS WHAT.

Ok, so I guess this ain’t everybody’s plate, but if I didn’t have this in my blog… it’d be a shame..

Agrochemicals consumed by our people are mainly centered on Organophospate poisonings (cos those are the stuff mainly sold). There are several other groups, but they are rare, for example Paraquat and Diquat. Although they have been in fashion a few years back..

Oleander is the non-harmless tree with cute yellow/pink flowers.. The seeds (& all parts of the plant) .. deadly.. well it varies actually. It has chemicals which can alter the pacing of the heart. Nonetheless its also famous.

Tablet poisonongs: Here the list topper is Paracetamol. Yep, and it is quite toxic. Easily accessible (practically sold in every shop or grocery), then comes all the other common meds.

Once in a while there’s the Kerosene oil poisonings.. but they are becoming rare, guess due to the increasing fuel prices..

Ok so how many patients do we get on a daily basis? It varies again… Could be none, to about 10 a day.. Naturally, the degree of poisoning also varies as many are brought in unconscious, some feel ashamed, some still want to die, some want to live, some keep lying, etc etc.

A reason of as why these people go for the extended trouble logs at the back of my head. So I’ve basically grouped the poisons with reasons for taking it. Please note: these are only MY observations.

Agrochemicals : Due to an instant high peaked distress / emotion. Rarely contemplated. The higher the amplitude of emotion.. the higher the dose taken, the lesser chances of survival. From an actual account , a person told me that he hesitated after the first gulp, but felt dying was better and drank the rest. Males more inclined than females. Rarely accidental, and dose ingested is minute.

Oleander : Due to a long persistent distress / emotion, with small peaks once in a while. Always contemplated. VERY RARELY accidental, if so dose ingested is minute. Equal popularity with males and females. Unlike in Agrochemicals, no direct correlation between amount ingested and toxicity. No severe side effects like in Agrochemical poisoning, but the heart may stop beating suddenly.

Tablet Poisoning: Various medications have various side effects. Paracetamol is extremely harmful to the Liver. Patients die with Liver failure. More popular among females, its the usual after a fight with a lover, spouse etc. Tablets may be taken for any distress/emotion, short termed, or long termed. Could be contemplated.

Kerosene Oil : Harmless if not vomited! This is something the general public does not know. It may give rise to gastritis or ulcers, but no immediate treat to life. Popular among females. Never contemplated, but may be due to a long or short term distress /emotion.

Still, I ponder WHY? Why does anyone want to die like this? I mean the suffering is immense. The moral aspect is overwhelming! Sometimes I feel these people are SO sensitive.. thet can’t handle it. It’s not wrong to be sensitive.. but you have to learn to vent it out sometimes. The financial side also plays an integral part.

One interesting fact is that, even though penny less, they always buy the bottle of poison. Never for debt!

Naturally, saving these patients is very costly! (Oh and don’t think, “how can they think of money when it comes to a person’s life..” cos the antidotes for some drugs are well over one hundred thousand rupees for a course of treatment). As it is, the local hospitals are well overburdened!

Nonetheless, we do take care of them. We try our best, with what we have. Some days are just longer than others. Sometimes its just freaking hard to keep a straight mind and be objective. Sometimes I prefer not to feel.

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