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Posts Tagged ‘mixed feelings’

This is about mixed feelings. I can’t event think about what to write first.

In realilty, I am a very quite person. I love the morning dew on my face, the birds chorus, the hot milk coffee. I have a deep wish to do good for my country and people all over. I prefer to do this in my own secret ways. I love to read. I don’t watch Sri Lankan TV unless for a news update.

In real life I’m the mean, stern and ruthless doctor who everyone hates. Some may think of me as having a superiority complex, while others just think I’m darn rude. With every patient I see, I have to come down to their level. Have at least an understanding of their life, society and main causes of woe. And many a time, my patients are those who think they can’t deal with life anymore and resort to poisons as a way of suicide.

But why the double face you ask? Its for my own protection. From a variety of reasons and scenarioes:

  • When dealing with suicidal patients, its extremly difficult to get them to cooperate. They are on the brink of death, and you’re the only thread they have to hold on too. And with such patients you can’t have that “Where does it hurt?, Can you take this tablet?” kindness crap, ‘cos they are hallucinating, delirious or just plain unconscious. I even have to yell to get the people who bring in the patient to cooperate as to finding out what was the poison, why go for suicide etc. People expect miracles, when they bring patients to hospitals. Because they come and want to WATCH!! And when I ask them a question, its like disturbing someone when their watching a movie! What happened to lending a helping hand?
  • And then there are people who think I’m just there to hurt them. I mean seriously! Everybody is entitiled to their own opinions, sure, but some common sense, that this person is trying to make you see tommorrows sunrise just won’t sink in. This is worse for the valuable staff I have around me. They are trained like me to deal with gruelling ordeals. To be efficient, they have to be strict and stern. If they were all soft and marshmellow, the patient would be 6 feet deep the next day. Just to think what these staff [nurses, attendents etc] go through a day. Strange enough, even in the blogosphere I find people call them names.
  • Just how to deal with the truth? Just imagine a scene like this [post from GutterFlower]. If you were the doctor treating the woman brought into hospital, with a lamenting “husband”? Even if you fall for the initial story of ‘Ane mage nona kalanthe damma’ [My wife fainted], you would soon notice the deepening blue patches on her body. Then it would be evident to any fool why she fainted!

So it works well for me to be cold hearted, at least appear to be. Your feelings are only for you. But to keep a promise I made to protect all life one day I act stern, stubborn and just damn crazy, so that the few select who cross my path in life may see another sunrise, feel the dew on their face, hear the chorus of the birds….

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